The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive; How One of You Can B"/>
 

IF WE'RE SO IN LOVE, WHY AREN'T WE HAPPY?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion

Susan Page, Author
Susan Page, Author , foreword by Gary Zukav. Harmony $22 (304p) ISBN 0-609-60696-4
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Using terms and analyses familiar to readers of her previous books (The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive; How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together), Page organizes her latest advice into Five Spiritual Principles: act rather than talk; don't try to solve problems by asking your partner to change; forget about who is right or wrong; balance the times you stand up for your partner's needs and the times you stand up for your own; and don't discuss or try to solve problems directly. These principles lead to Five Sacred Acts designed to help replace "Old Model" relationships: practice restraint; act "as if"; act on your own; practice acceptance; and cultivate compassion. While conventional wisdom (based on individual psychology and relationship dynamics) lauds communication as the key to happy relationships, Page suggests that all that talking actually does little to move couples closer together. Instead, she suggests viewing relationships as "Spiritual Partnerships" (crediting author Gary Zukav with coining the term), which should focus on goodwill and harmony. She cites many sources and influences, including Buddhist, Christian and 12-step tenets, and provides numerous personal stories and exercises—which she calls "experiments" in order to keep the focus on trying new behaviors to see what happens rather than to effect a particular outcome. Learning "something new," she says, is the only goal. In a clear and warmly pleasant tone, Page delivers a promising addition to the marriage guidance genre. Agent, Sandy Dijkstra. (On sale Feb. 19)

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