If I Were a Man, I'd Marry Me

As this collection of Wall's syndicated ""Off the Wall"" columns shows, the author has opinions about almost everything having to do with relationships. Wall (My Love Is Free... but the Rest of Me Don't Come Cheap) and her friends can spend endless time and energy discussing, complaining and laughing about the men in their lives. In ""The Mattress Authority,"" Wall recounts an overcrowded flight. After upgrading to first class and leaving her companion (referred to as Sweetie), she finds herself seated next to a hooker (""Actually, I prefer escort""). For the rest of the flight, Wall listens carefully as the escort shows off her $1500 custom-made Italian stilettos and talks about the advantages of waxing over shaving. In ""Dress,"" Wall describes how many outfits she must try on before pleasing Sweetie. ""Help me out here,"" she says. ""What am I aiming for?"" To which Sweetie replies: ""Oh, you know... conservative, without concealing the fact that you're a woman. Sophisticated, yet playful. Worldly, but Made in America."" In ""Faithful,"" Wall reports that a woman named Gloria, who's working on her husband's political campaign, wants to know if she's being unfaithful if she dreams about another man--in this case, Al Gore(!). Funny and amusing, Wall delivers her insights lightly and never takes herself too seriously. (Aug.)