Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy

In his third book, popular motivational speaker and author July (Brothers, Lust and Love) tackles the difficulties many men encounter with commitment--to themselves and others. Opening with a quote from Buddha challenging the reader to become ""the noblest victor"" by conquering himself, July asserts that men need to acknowledge, understand and learn how to process their emotions in healthy ways. Borrowed from Frank Baum's The Wizard of Oz, the term ""Tin Man"" describes those who embrace the destructive cultural truism that a man's worth is based on his ability to conquer and control other people through sex, money, physical power or manipulation. Describing himself as a recovering Tin Man, July humorously relates how he neglected a broken finger out of a desire to avoid looking like a ""sissy,"" and questions why it often takes life-threatening crises to prompt men to recognize that their macho attitudes are killing them. While generally careful not to point fingers, July contends that women are sometimes willing participants in the macho male belief system, encouraging some of the negative behavior in men that they claim to hate. He suggests that kicking out the Tin Man is essential not only for developing healthy romantic relationships but for maintaining good male friendships, which he believes can be superficial when friends fear appearing weak. Packed with solid insights and written in a brother-to-brother style that won't alienate women, July's latest effort reinforces his position as a cool-headed referee in the battle of the sexes. Author tour. (Jan.)