Unlike the intimacy avoiders July explored in Understanding the Tin Man, "hidden lovers" are men in committed relationships, unable to make a true emotional connection to the women they love because of a deep-seated inability to express their fears and vulnerabilities. July's friendly and direct writing style belies his highly organized format, spanning a diverse range of topics from the ways women inadvertently disrespect their men through comparison and nagging to identifying the manifestations of society's narrow standards of manhood. Along the way, he helps readers sort out troubled relationship histories and clarify the impact September 11 had on our lives. Drawing heavily on interviews from his Web site, personal anecdotes and his own fascination with the dynamics of relationships, July leads both hidden lovers and their partners on a journey of self-exploration while emphasizing the lack of "hard and fast rules" and the uniqueness of each person's situation. With quizzes, questions at the end of each chapter, sample dialogues, communication tips and model letters from the hidden lover, this volume offers an interactive approach and serves as both an explanation and catalyst for change. July's book will appeal most to couples wanting a deeper level of intimacy. (Jan.)
