cover image Good Intentions: The Nine Unconscious Mistakes of Nice People

Good Intentions: The Nine Unconscious Mistakes of Nice People

Duke Robinson. Grand Central Publishing, $36 (292pp) ISBN 978-0-446-52085-0

As pastor of Montclair Presbyterian Church of Oakland, Calif., Robinson has counseled many people facing problems created directly by their efforts to be nice. He himself has suffered from trying too hard to be too much to too many, and has learned from personal as well as professional experience to identify the most common pitfalls of ""self-defeating"" niceness, and the most helpful changes to overcome them. The nine ""mistakes"" nice people make are, Robinson says: trying to be perfect, taking on too much, not saying what they want, suppressing anger, reasoning with irrationality, telling little lies, giving advice, rescuing others and protecting those in grief. Robinson explains the motivations behind these activities and gives practical advice on how to set boundaries, maintain healthy balance, assert oneself and ""still be a nice person."" Avoiding overt religious language, he undergirds his message by encouraging people to ""accept your acceptance"" by ""the love that drives the universe."" Only then, he concludes, can they overcome the ""desperate need to be accepted,"" which leads them into the nine mistakes. In a kind and loving way, Robinson offers just the push many people need to begin to set practical limits and to practice healthy self-assertiveness. (July)