cover image You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program

You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program

Suzette Haden Elgin. John Wiley & Sons, $18.95 (224pp) ISBN 978-0-471-00399-1

Culling source material from her years of linguistic practice and training, Elgin (Genderspeak) offers an accessible, extremely pragmatic approach to verbal abuse. With many broad-minded and tactful suggestions for everyday use, this is an excellent resource. Through exercises and journal-writing, Elgin encourages reader to eradicate ``toxic'' language. She offers various tools like ``Miller's Law,'' which requires the listener to assume initially that whatever the speaker says is true-rather than the all-to-frequent assumption to the contrary. Elgin is objective, rehearsing the perspectives of both people in a possibly hostile exchange and reminding readers that everyone has the potential to be a verbal abuser, victim or witness. If there is a weakness, it is that while Elgin confronts the verbal abuser's tactics, her methods seem to emphasize placating abusers and rewarding them with the attention they crave. (Jan.)