cover image YOU DON'T SAY: Navigating Nonverbal Communication Between the Sexes

YOU DON'T SAY: Navigating Nonverbal Communication Between the Sexes

Audrey Nelson, . . Prentice Hall Press, $15.95 (323pp) ISBN 978-0-7352-0347-1

Nelson heads her own communications consulting group and might boil her extensive experience down to a single maxim: "gender role transcendence is the key to successful communication." Writing with Golant (In the Company of Women ), she examines the nonverbal styles of men and women, and explores ways that they can learn to pick up on, and use, each other's prevalent cues. Citing studies and anecdotes, Nelson notes that although some differences are biologically determined, most are based on the socialization process that children are exposed to in the home and at school. She shows how feelings and signifiers of social power get mapped onto eyes, faces and touch. Nelson's practical suggestions are geared toward the business world. She advises men against too frequent use of the "poker face," and counsels tuning into the other person and "mirroring" their emotions, a skill that conveys empathy and that women more frequently employ. Among much else, there is advice for women on the fine points of a conventional handshake, with the full palm and firm grasp that men often expect. Clear and concise throughout, Nelson also provides useful information on cross-cultural differences in nonverbal communication, such as the Japanese tradition of lowering the eyes to indicate respect. (Mar.)