The Penis Book

""It's hard to imagine something tinier than a Chihuahua can stir up so many emotions, escapades, steamy page-turners, phone sex businesses, visits to the shrinks, babies, dirty jokes..."" muses Cohen in the opening to his naughty little giftbook. It's not hard to imagine, however, the penis inspiring such an inane homage as this, which waxes poetic on the queer penis (""a precocious pickle"") vs. the straight penis (""a born comparison shopper""); estimates the amount of semen an average male ejaculates over a 45-year period (30-50 quarts); reveals urinal etiquette (""Shake no more than three times""); lists the tests condom manufacturers perform on their products (including""The Shocker"" and""The Wet Dream"") and asks men to reflect on what would happen if they didn't have a penis (""What would I scratch?"" wonders Billy from Kenosha). Goofy photos, trivia tidbits, no-brainer sex tips and off-color jokes round out a silly little book that has gag gift written all over it.