Cancer Etiquette: What to Say What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer

A retired librarian, Kalick has survived both multiple myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow) and breast cancer. She shares many of her own stories as well as dozens of others' anecdotes in this manners guide to cancer. Some of her tales are difficult to believe; for example, when ""James G."" was diagnosed with cancer, an annoyed business associate told him ""you got what you deserve."" Clearly, such insensitive remarks are useless, and anyone who might say such a thing probably wouldn't pick up this book in the first place. All the same, there's some good advice to found here. For example, Kalick counsels readers to say ""you look terrific"" only when it's true, ""not when you want it to be true."" Hold off on sharing ""war stories,"" she advises. And when you visit a cancer patient at home, provide distraction, however simple: an afternoon movie, a manicure excursion, or a simple walk outside. Be specific in how you offer to help: a comment like ""I'm here for you"" isn't as useful as ""Do you want me to cook on Tuesday or Wednesday?"" Kalick is not a psychiatrist, and her advice should be taken with a grain of salt, but she's been there twice and that certainly counts for something.