THE NORTH BEACH DIET

"Every day is like Thanksgiving Day on the North Beach Diet," proclaims Bailey's enthusiastic introduction. But readers well-trained in (but sick of) calorie counting and carb cutting may wonder how that's possible. Well, it's pretty easy, actually, since the point of the North Beach Diet is to become as fat and lazy as possible. (It's for those who "dream about what it would be like to be ogled admiringly by people as you sashay down the beach with a giant-size bag of Nutter-Butters in one hand and a large Frosty in another.") Sample advice: plan meals in advance to make sure you're getting the most calories you can, curtail your exercise program and carry high-fat snacks with you wherever you go. Recipes include Medicinal Chocolate Cake with Vanilla Butter Cream Icing; Batter Fried Twinkies; and Pulled Pork Butt So Good, You'll Want to Kick Yourself. As far as humor writing goes, this volume is a one-trick-pony; on the other hand, some of the recipes are pretty scrumptious, and no one will ever be able to argue that this diet, if followed correctly, doesn't live up to its fat-making promises. (Jan.)