Hounded: The Lowdown on Life from Three Dachshunds

This banal series of biographical essays purport to be life lessons the author gleaned from his three dogs. If the morals themselves came within a mile of profundity, readers would be more forgiving of Ziselman’s logical leaps and lame bromides, such as “Little things don’t mean a lot: They mean everything.” Former advertising creative director Ziselman postulates that the only reason one of his dachshunds is happy all the time is that she actually is aware of her own mortality (and knows every moment is precious). Life cycle events are treated with Seinfeld-lite snark (“I think that whole ‘beauty of childbirth’ thing doesn’t really kick-in until a snuggly soft blanket is caressing the baby and the daddy is being equally caressed by 20 mg of Valium”) that will distance many readers rather than inviting empathy. Sophomoric humor (“now’s as good time as any to tell you that there’s going to be a fair amount of this cheap word play, like that ‘shit you not’ line going on for the next few pages”) will also not be to all tastes. And self-adulation, as in a section where writers at a workshop tell him that he “can write [his] ass off,” doesn’t help. Agent: Wendy Sherman, Wendy Sherman Associates. (May)