cover image Beyond Blame: A New Way of Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

Beyond Blame: A New Way of Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

Jeffrey A. Kottler, PH.. Jossey-Bass, $27.95 (235pp) ISBN 978-1-55542-604-0

Blaming an opponent for ``getting under your skin'' is a common and self-defeating response to interpersonal conflict, emphasizes psychotherapist Kottler ( The Compleat Therapist ) in this sensible guide. The initial step in resolving such conflicts, he advises, is to identify consistent inner patterns of attitudes, often involving victimization or past resentment of presumed threat that triggers hostile reactions. The author proposes strategies for managing conflicts that involve work associates, family members, lovers or friends, and he offers psychological and practical measures designed to help people avert manipulative ``power tactics,'' personal attack and abusive behavior, especially in family disputes. Although some conflicts cannot be settled, Kottler points out that trying to resolve them at the least promotes personal growth. (Apr.)