Whos on Top Whos on Bo -Op/118

Robert Schwebel, Author
Robert Schwebel, Author Newmarket Press $19.95 (256p) ISBN 978-1-55704-197-5
Reviewed on: 05/30/1994
Release date: 06/01/1994
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Most couples have occasional power struggles over issues as trivial as dibs on the remote control clicker or as major as deciding when, or if, to have a baby. As psychologist Schwebel ( Saying No Is Not Enough ) observes in this sage self-help guide, our society teaches competitiveness, which too often influences intimate relationships. Although one person may ``win'' an argument, the victory can be shallow as mutual resentment and competition eventually erode the relationship. Schwebel advises couples on how to use the ``super skills'' of power sharing (calmness, discipline, communication, keeping an open mind), how to achieve a ``cooperative vision,'' develop negotiation techniques and use constructive criticism to overcome ``stuck points,'' ``locked horns'' and off-track communication. He also explains what couples can do when cooperation fails, and how they can define and overcome unconscious barriers to intimacy. Ten ``love stories'' from Schwebel's practice illustrate how couples resolved--or were destroyed by--a variety of power struggles. (July)