TAKING CARE OF MOM, TAKING CARE OF ME: Coping with a Relative's Illness and Death

Schloss faced the illness and loss of seven close relatives in the space of five years. From that sad and trying time, she learned the wisdom of the teaching that "it is better to spend time in a house of mourning than in a house of joy. It is in the house of mourning that one will learn best how to live." Schloss's reminiscences about the process of caring for and coping with the illnesses and deaths of her parents, in-laws and aunts make up the bulk of this simply told book, which also weaves in Jewish laws and customs of mourning. The reality of being part of the "sandwich generation"—providing simultaneously for both parents and children—is compounded by Schloss's realization of her own co-dependence: "I was so addicted to taking care of other people, I forgot to take care of myself." From her 90-something grandmother (the "Mom" of the title) and her co-dependency group, she learned how to balance caring for herself and others. As she transformed loss into a catalyst for change, she discovered her own strength. A recreational therapist who works with geriatric patients, Schloss concludes, "working with old and dying people gives me a truer picture of what life is all about." Everything in life is temporary, she finds; "Only God is forever." Schloss's candid sharing may provide comfort for caregivers who do not yet recognize that healing, and even growth, can come out of loss. (Mar. 18)