Barbara -- Thank you for inviting me back to guest blog. I’m hooked on your blog -- but I wish I could see you. I want to analyze your facial expressions, your vocal cues, your posture. I bet your blog followers would love to see you react to their posts! (I bet they would and I'm sometimes glad they can't!)
Let's start with a True/False quiz that I developed called Body Language 101.
1. Ninety-three percent of communication is nonverbal. T F
2. If people say the right words, it doesn’t matter how they say them. T F
3. Some people wait a few seconds before showing their nonverbal response. T F
4. Body language can only be interpreted one way. T F
5. People unconsciously mirror nonverbal behavior of others. T F
6. If the words and body language contradict each other, the listener believes the body language. T F
7. Facial expressions convey 85% of the nonverbal message. T F
8. People can cover up their emotions by keeping their face blank. T F
9. Lips carry more nonverbal messages than eyes. T F
10. When anxious, people touch their face more often. T F
STOP! Did you take the quiz? Ready for the answers?
1. TRUE – It’s a monstrous percentage -- which is why people should monitor their n
onverbals. Let’s look at the number one phobia in the U.S. – public speaking. If you’re nervous you may display a cluster of anxiety flags, e.g., rolling in lips, tightening mouth, evasive eye contact, halting gait, soft voice, modulated voice tones. If your anxiety escalates, your nonverbals become more pronounced: e.g., collapsed chest, shoulders forward, respiration rapid and shallow, pupils dilated, voice pitched high, face tight.
You can project more confident body language, and you’ll feel more confident. You’ll teach yourself to extinguish some of these anxiety flags. People will react positively to the new, confident you. Pavlov’s conditioning is a powerful reinforcing agent. Over time, you won’t have to pretend to be confident. You will be confident.
2. FALSE -- An easy one. Vocal cues carry qualifying messages that support, tweak, or discount the words. Americans are pros at sarcasm. Watch your voice inflection, rate of speech, volume, and tone. Be sure your vocal cues support your message – unless you’re telling a joke.
3. FALSE -- Nonverbal communication is continuous. It’s on-going. It never stops.
4. FALSE -- An easy answer, with complex levels of application. Cognitively, people know there are multiple interpretations. Yet, people interpret nonverbals one way at an unconscious level and act on those feelings.
Let’s imagine a wife asks her husband to accompany her to visit her mother, and in the next half-second his
gaze shifts away and back, he sighs, and his mouth tightens. The wife reads his nonverbals, assumes her husband doesn’t want to go, and reacts before he can say anything. She says, “Forget it. I’ll go without you.” Her tone is sharp enough to cut a diamond (vocal cue and hyperbole).
Her nonverbals -- posture stiffening, eyes flashing, harsh vocal cues -- surprise her husband. He stares at her, his mouth open (confused) or closed tight (agitated). She turns, grabs the keys, and leaves, punctuating her anger by slamming the door. The husband stands there wondering what the heck happened. Her question, asking him to go with her, triggered a thought. He recalled the car had a vibration the last time he drove it and he wondered if the tires needed to be balanced. His split-second nonverbal responses – shifting gaze, a sigh, and his mouth tightening – reflected his body responding to his thoughts about the tires.
WHOOPS! The wife thought his nonverbals communicated that he didn’t want to go with her to visit her mother. She reacted with anger. He has no idea why she got angry and left. He probably thinks she’s PMS’y. ;-)))
Situations like that play out too frequently with couples, friends, coworkers. People misinterpret nuances of body language and take action. Misreading the escalating stimulus/response patterns of nonverbals, builds conflict. Pausing, realizing that body language can be interpreted in a gazillion ways, and getting clarification, can result in fewer slammed doors and more smiles.
5. TRUE – and so fun! When you’re in a restaurant, watch couples and friends who like each other. They both lean forward seemingly at the same time. One leads by a nanosecond. They may reach for their beverages and drink at the same time. They mirror posture, gestures, facial expressions, voice patterns. Their body language looks choreographed.
6. TRUE-- This answer was covered in #5. :-)))
7. FALSE – Facial expressions are key, but vocal cues, posture, movements, spatial relationships, all contribute to the nonverbal message. Depending on the research, faces carry 30 to 50% of the nonverbal message.
8. FALSE -- Faces are never blank. Lips twitch. Nostrils flare. Eyes narrow or widen almost imperceptibly. Mouths barely open or barely tighten. Pupils dilate. Tips of tongues show when people moisten lips. To a kinesics specialist, these are all diagnostic indicators. To a writer, these are cues to write flicker-face emotions.
9. TRUE – The lips do more. Watch people’s mouths. You’ll have more insight into their reactions.
10. TRUE – Self-Touch behaviors increase when people are anxious. They touch their face (cheek, eyebrow, lips, nose, ear), or near their face (throat, jaw, back of neck, behind ear, hair), or hands and arms.
Self-touch behaviors accelerate when anxiety is high. They are body language polygraphs. When people are in a job interview, when suspects are interrogated, when a guy proposes to his gal, self-touch behaviors significantly increase. The person who’s anxious may touch their face, throat, hand, or arm every 10 to 20 seconds, sometimes every couple of seconds, unaware of their self-touch behavior.
HOW DID YOU SCORE? Did you make a 100? 90? 80?
Chime in. I’ll respond throughout the day and late this evening. Check back, I’ll respond.
Body language is fascinating. For those of you who are writers, you get to monitor your body language when you’re pitching to agents and editors, interacting with booksellers, introducing a speaker, being on a panel, presenting a workshop, and doing a book signing.
PLUS – When you’re capturing nonverbal communication on the page, you get to explore the full range of body language, and challenge yourself to write it fresh. Look at the power you have with body language. You can use nonverbals to complicate scenes and drive plot points. :-)))
Want to WIN a Lecture Packet?
Anyone who posts a comment has a chance to win one of my LECTURE PACKETS (a $20 value).
1. Empowering Characters' Emotions -- covers full range of body language
2. Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More
3. Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors
If you’re a reader, not a writer, my Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors lectures apply to you too. ;-)))
Barbara, Thank you again. When I meet you in November, I get to see your body language in action!
Margie, it has been a pleasure having you here with us today. I'm expecting a lot of interaction (last time Margie visited there were 132 posts!!) So stop back to see what's been said.
Bottom Line: “I speak two languages, Body and English." ~ Mae West
