Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect

Inazu (Uncommon Ground), a professor of law at Washington University in St. Louis, draws on his 12 years in the classroom for solid lessons on handling disagreements in this helpful guide. Much of his wisdom is “simple stuff that’s hard to put into practice.” For example, he advises readers to remain empathetic yet committed to their beliefs; use impasses to “deepen your understanding of what’s at stake”; and prioritize the “person over the problem” even when it takes time and energy. Inazu learned the latter lesson firsthand when he impatiently translated a lengthy fight with his wife into billable hours (“Do you realize how much money this argument just cost us?”). More time is spent unpacking communication issues than offering practical solutions, and those provided can be vague, as when Inazu recommends “asking an appropriately personal question rather than making all of your impersonal relationships purely transactional” without providing an example of such a query or how to work it into conversation. Still, the balanced mix of logic and compassion will help readers better understand how human nature informs conflict. It’s a good starting point for those looking to extend an olive branch. (Apr.)