Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner’s Guide to Grief

Cultural researcher Orenstein debuts with a scattershot guide for those grieving the loss of a brother or sister. After her brother was killed while serving in Afghanistan in 2009, the author was left emotionally devastated and oddly adrift—“in grief one becomes a widow, not a wife; an orphan, not a daughter; but there is no name for us.” She yearned to “fall asleep and learn it was all a dream” before slowly learning to become an “active participant” in her healing process. Interweaving her personal experiences with anecdotes from interviews she conducted with others who’ve lost siblings, Orenstein provides tools for navigating a “strange new life” without one’s brother or sister while honoring their legacy. In particular, she centers a method of “narrative reconstruction” in which one tells—or writes—stories about their sibling to “make meaning” in the wake of the loss. Unfortunately, the useful advice is undermined by distracting tonal inconsistencies (Orenstein awkwardly mixes goofy humor, deep emotion, and out-of-place direct addresses—“Promise me you will at least try to feel the happy, Dear Reader”), opaque research methods (she draws on a survey completed by 350 participants and 40 interviews without providing information on the selection process or demographics), and abrupt shifts between interviewee anecdotes and her own recollections. Despite a strong premise and Orenstein’s good intentions, this stumbles. (May)