Your Competent Child

""We often think and act as if our relationship with children is a one-way street on which the traffic flows from us to them,"" notes Danish family therapist Juul, who champions a brave new family dynamic in this thoughtful multicultural and multinational analysis. From birth, he contends, children are ""fully humanDthat is, they are social, responsive, and empathic,"" and over the past 30 years, in particular, they have become ""less fearful and respectful of authority."" Far from interpreting this trend as a breakdown in traditional values, however, Juul sees it as a healthy progression. Tracing the evolution of the family from the totalitarian power structure that has been in place for centuries toward what he calls the ""post-democratic family,"" in which each individual is taken seriously and ""the quality of decision making is accorded more importance than the decision itself,"" Juul sees humanity at a crossroads. He describes a new structure that is less about power struggles and violence (""an insult to any person's integrityDincluding children's"") and more about dialogue and the responsible use of power, as well as about a core concept of ""equal dignity."" Although the book is more of a social analysis, Juul's helpful ideas and guidelines for parents make for an inspiring how-to manual for anyone interested in creating families ""in which every individual can grow and prosper."" Placed along with other parenting titles, this book will find an empathetic readership. (Nov.)