LOVING YOUR RELATIVES EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T SEE EYE TO EYE

The impossible mother-in-law. The prodigal son. The garrulous uncle. Every extended family has its share of difficult people, who we may only see a couple of times a year. The Arps and the Bells, mindful of the underlying tensions of most extended families, offer practical suggestions for navigating such gatherings. Family members should have realistic expectations (no Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving); engage each other in real conversations and not just small talk; be civil when they disagree; respect each other's boundaries; and strive for harmony. Nothing here is earth-shatteringly new, but the advice is both sensitive and sensible. The authors also deal with some contemporary issues, such as welcoming "blended families," coping with a family member's substance abuse or alcoholism and tactfully handling differences of opinion about religion. (Sept.)