Finding the Words: Talking Children Through the Tough Times

Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist McElvaney helps parents tackle difficult conversations in this compact guide. In individual chapters, she addresses separation, death, bullying, and sexual abuse, and also offers general advice for keeping channels open throughout childhood and adolescence. She emphasizes, however, that there is no simple formula; each child's unique thoughts and feelings must be explored and nurtured by setting a pattern of honest dialogue and active listening from an early age. Suggesting that parents follow as well as lead, McElvaney advises closely listening to and observing children to discern the subjects troubling them. She also encourages parents to carefully examine their personal attitudes toward difficult topics, in order to avoid transferring emotions rooted in their own experience onto their child. Many chapters are arranged into sections entitled "Know Yourself," "Know Your Child," "Listen," "Ask," and "Reassure," with helpful summaries of major chapter points. The author takes into account children of all ages, with specific age-appropriate tips (e.g., listening to the conversations between grade school%E2%80%93age kids while carpooling is a good way to tune into their peer-oriented world). Parents and caregivers of children, from preschool to the teen years, will find this a helpful and encouraging communication road map, even when difficult topics take parents and kids outside their comfort zones. (Sept.)