Here and There: Leaving Hasidism, Keeping My Family

In this heartfelt and honest memoir, Deitsch shares the story of her tumultuous journey to find her own way while keeping ties with her family intact. Torn between loyalty to her family, practitioners of Lubavitch Hasidism, and her own growing unhappiness with the rules and restrictions placed upon her, Deitsch recounts the vicissitudes of living a life filled with internal conflict. Although she doubts much, she feels the power of the Lubavitcher rebbe, the brilliant spiritual leader whom she fears can see her “dark and secret thoughts.” She lives an untenable existence: “Unable to escape, however, I float in a middle space, a psychic refuge.” Her story—from childhood only through college graduation, leaving readers wondering what has become of her in the decades since (besides a brief afterword)—is permeated with discontent, but never disrespect, and laced with love for and from her family. It is perhaps Deitsch’s parents who are the real heroes of this story, straddling expectations of family and community while stretching to accept their daughter’s needs. (Oct.)