Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter

Family therapist Grady reaches out with compassion, just a bit of sass, and—most importantly—a well-organized plan for keeping mother-daughter bonds from spiraling out of emotional control. Her goal is an “amazing, authentic relationship.” O’Grady begins by urging mothers to move from a “powerless parenting” mind-set, which emphasizes selflessness and (implicitly) denies personhood to the parent, to a “powerful parenting” one. She continues with simple explanations of relevant neuropsychological concepts: the patterned limbic responses that trigger escalating cycles of fight, flight, and freeze; the immaturity of the teen prefrontal cortex and how that leads to risk-taking, impulsivity, and mood swings. Finally, O’Grady teaches women to avoid becoming “drama mamas,” by watching for their own trigger buttons, being tuned in to their daughters during receptive moments, and providing discipline with clarity and meaningful consequences. Despite being the mother of a teenage daughter, O’Grady doesn’t overload the reader with her own family experience, instead focusing on client stories that are relevant to her teaching points. O’Grady targets an upper-middle-class suburban audience, and her advice may feel less relevant to parents facing financial stresses. But for women contending primarily with behavioral problems, Grady’s suggestions should be just the encouraging lifeline they need. Agent: Jacqueline Flynn, Joelle Delbourgo Associates. (Nov.)