Straus, a producer for The Oprah Winfrey Show,
has lived an independent life typical of her Gen-X peers. But in this perceptive book, based on interviews with 100 heterosexual singles across the country, she concludes that the myriad choices enjoyed by 20- and 30-somethings have led to a sense of hopelessness and cynicism about relationships and a deep fear of commitment that's often felt as a "fear of settling." She lists cultural factors that place obstacles in the way of intimacy, among them an obsessive focus on independence and career, the aftereffects of feminism, and reliance on distancing new technologies such as instant messaging and online personals. Straus writes in a lively style replete with buzzwords, yet offers tough conclusions. While both men and women have impossible expectations, Straus observes that Gen-Xers prefer to "upgrade" rather than work on a relationship. And the compulsion to have lots of casual sex with attractive partners conflicts with the goal of finding a mate. The book ends with stories of couples who have succeeded in finding and keeping love. Straus argues convincingly that in order to open yourself to love, you cannot keep your options open—you have to commit all the way. (Feb. 8)
