Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want

“We are all—yes, ALL—capable of having good, if not totally mind-blowing, sex,” contends sex therapist Tallon-Hicks in her stimulating debut. Drawing on client stories, she provides worksheets, self-reflection questions, and solo and partner exercises meant to “inspire you and your partners to talk about, think about, and have authentically pleasurable sex without the shame, secrecy, self-doubt, and misinformation.” The author tells of a client whose anxiety during sex stemmed from feeling unable to communicate her desires, and Tallon-Hicks suggests that readers with these “pleasure pessimistic thoughts” change the beliefs that underpin them by contemplating, “What assumptions am I making that are influencing these thoughts?” Tallon-Hicks decries the unrealistic expectations set by movies and porn that sexual partners are supposed to intuit each other’s turn-ons, and instead urges readers to talk about their preferences with their partners and feel free to make physical adjustments that would make them more comfortable. Exercises impart tips for having “sex without boners,” asking for what one wants during sex, and setting boundaries. The advice is inclusive and mindful of different body types and abilities, as well as the myriad possible partner configurations and definitions of sex. Additionally, the author’s casual and humorous tone ensures the guidance entertains throughout. The result makes for a superb manual on having more fun in bed (or wherever). (Aug.)