cover image Why Girls Talk--And What They're Really Saying: A Parent's Survival Guide to Connecting with Your Teen

Why Girls Talk--And What They're Really Saying: A Parent's Survival Guide to Connecting with Your Teen

Susan Morris Shaffer, Linda Perlman Gordon. McGraw-Hill Companies, $14.95 (236pp) ISBN 978-0-07-141786-0

While there are books that analyze girls' talk--particularly mean-spirited, gossipy talk--this really isn't one of them. Rather, it's aimed at helping parents--particularly moms--stay connected with their teenage daughters. Gordon and Shaffer (Why Boys Don't Talk and Why It Matters ) have worked with teens and their families in both therapeutic and policy contexts. As they see it, teenage girls are on a quest to discover their true identities apart from the kids they used to be. Parents need to find ways to stay engaged with their daughters while simultaneously giving them space to develop some autonomy, though that isn't easy. Moms in particular, the authors say, come to the teen years with their own baggage--particularly unresolved fights with parents and new concerns over aging. Even the unencumbered parent can feel challenged by the problem of balancing a daughter's need for more freedom against parental responsibility for oversight, if not actual control. After discussing these issues at length, the authors itemize ""13 Strategic Solutions."" While there's also the usual material on eating disorders and nontraditional families and raising daughters of color, and it's all nicely feminist and upbeat--what the harassed parent really needs is the aforementioned brief, clearly stated list of dos, don'ts and try not tos. (Jan.)