Love and Lies: An Essay on Truthfulness, Deceit, and the Growth and Care of Erotic Love

Martin (How to Sell) probes the insidious relationship between lying and love in a sometimes frustrating but often brilliant book, extolling the ways in which lying can make us better lovers. This is no easy how-to manual, though; Martin’s sources include Plato, Aristotle, Kant, and Nietzsche, among others. One of his most provocative proposals is that we first discover the intertwined relationship between love and deception as children. Remembering his own experience of first love, Martin argues that this process often involves an element of self-deception. In his view, the connection between lying and love is not necessarily bad: “Most of the deceptions we practice in erotic love do not have the goal of harming the beloved.” In the end, Martin asserts, “How, when, and why we sort out the right kind of lying from the right kind of truth telling... are a lifetime’s pursuit.” At times, his tone comes across as overly lofty, and at others, emotionally inauthentic—readers may suspect he is less worldly than he suggests. Nonetheless, Martin’s conclusions about the nature of love and lies succeed in boldly challenging conventional views. Agent: Susan Golomb, Susan Golomb Agency. (Feb.)