Gridlock: Finding the Courage to Move on in Love, Work and Life

Making ample use of traffic analogies, Greer (How Could You Do This to Me?), a marriage therapist, takes her readers on a guided tour of psychological gridlock. The first two thirds of her book is devoted to identifying and understanding gridlock as it commonly occurs in relationships, careers and other areas of life, while the last section covers the cure. Gridlock, quite simply, is the inertia that keeps people stuck in situations that are physically or emotionally harmful. Often, according to the author, it signals the presence of unresolved issues from an individual's childhood. For example, someone who played a do-gooder role as the firstborn of her family might, in adulthood, develop into a ""Clinger"" who becomes fixated on meeting the needs of others. This pattern may result in others taking advantage of her while she exhausts herself, yet she may remain stuck because the pattern is comfortingly familiar. While it is common for those in gridlock to rationalize their emotionally mired state and to blame others for their circumstances, the only sure way out is to take a proactive role in life. In spite of a flawed assessment tool (the ""Gridlock Questionnaire"") with ambiguous scoring instructions and a confusing interpretation, Greer's advice, based on her clinical experience, is sound. (Apr.)