Intimate Terrorism: The Deterioration of Erotic Life

``Intimate terrorism'' is psychotherapist Miller's term for the troubled marriage or loving relationship that degenerates into a two-person civil war, with each partner using threats, emotional blackmail or fears to attack the other's autonomy and security. The ``intimate terrorists'' we meet here through case histories employ an arsenal of tactics--infidelity, coldness in bed, jealousy, criticism, threatened or actual violence and infantilizing the other person by acting like a parent. Miller, who does couples therapy in Cambridge, Mass., also draws illustrative examples from literature (John Cheever, Willa Cather, F. Scott Fitzgerald, D.H. Lawrence), from movies (Annie Hall, Fatal Attraction) and from much-publicized relationships such as that of Woody Allen-Mia Farrow and its breakup. Calling our culture's ideal of romantic love better suited to adolescents than to the demands of marriage, Miller urges couples to create ``breathing space.'' This is both an intelligent guide for those seeking lasting intimacy and a provocative meditation on the decline of romantic love. Author tour. (May)