We Can Work It Out

What makes or breaks a marriage is not whom you marry but how you handle conflict, assert Notarius, professor of psychology at Catholic University of America, and Markman, professor of psychology at the University of Denver. The two, who also coauthored A Couple's Guide to Communication , claim that they can predict with 93% accuracy which relationships will succeed and which will fail based on their 20 years of research with more than 1000 couples. Their findings have led them to identify and describe ``six simple truths of marriage'' and they are simple--all relationships have a reservoir of hope, men and women fight differently and the like. After looking at four styles of conflict interaction, Notarius and Markman recommend a holistic program of ``Better Understanding'' and ``Better Talk'' to identify basic problems and then solve them. Case studies from the authors' practices and examples of both good and bad communication styles are provided in abundance here, along with 28 questionnaires to help couples pinpoint trouble spots. A solid addition to the marriage counseling field. (Oct.)