I'm with You Now: A Guide Through Incurable Illness for Patients, Families, and Friends

Having written I'm Here to Help, a guide for caregivers of seriously ill patients, Ray, a longtime hospice worker, now addresses the patients themselves, as well as their friends and families. Her tone is that of an impassioned layperson. While writing the book, her own husband was diagnosed with incurable lymphoma. First and foremost, she emphasizes, ""incurable"" is not the same as ""terminal."" Just because you have an illness, doesn't mean that you can't live with it, perhaps for a long time. That said, she outlines the life changes encountered by those diagnosed with incurable diseases. Dispersed throughout are first-person vignettes illustrating patients' and caregivers' common frustrations and triumphs. The book seeks to function as a sort of surrogate support group, but the most useful chapters--e.g., ""Listening and Responding with All Our Senses"" and ""Caring for Family Caregivers""--offer specific advice rather than vague exhortations to be supportive. Suggestions about what to say to an incurable person, as well as how to say it, will help to minimize social awkwardness. Sometimes, it's unclear whether Ray is speaking of patients or caregivers, and she sometimes lingers in peripheral territory, such as the suggestion that caregivers take up bookbinding and choreography with the patient. But readers should have no problem gleaning useful nuggets from chapters on managing family conflict, reducing caretaker stress and interacting with the medical community. (July)