NAVEL-GAZING: The Days and Nights of a Mother in the Making

Pregnancy is often viewed as a time of physical discomfort mitigated by emotional bliss, when a woman embraces her belly and thinks, joyfully, of nothing but sun-dappled playgrounds and giggling children. Journalist Matesa, like most women who've gone through pregnancy, knows differently. What's striking is that the conflicting emotions she describes emerge so rarely in books and articles about pregnancy, which tend to focus either on nuts-and-bolts nutrition and wellness or on adjusting to the first year of parenthood. An avid journal writer, she teams with a photographer friend to candidly explore the highs and lows of her entire pregnancy, complete with portraits of her expanding breasts and abdomen. The experience doesn't begin with a burst of joy. Rather, it was the accidental result of some make-up sex that Matesa regards with regret, given the outcome. She frets about the demands of motherhood, breastfeeding and mood swings, boldly detailing prosaic concerns about weight gain, crying jags and vitamin doses. Though typical, some of her insights are still surprising to see in print. For example, she chronicles the changes in her breasts, observing the shift in her perception of them, from sensual area to milk machines. When, in her third trimester, she first sees a drop of milky fluid at her nipple, she feels both shocked that the process is actually working and disgusted, as if she's turned into a cow. Matesa's honesty is refreshing, and her writing, though repetitive at times, is usually jaunty, even in its deepest moments of introspection. For anyone who wants to understand the roller coaster of emotional and physical changes that accompany pregnancy, Matesa's work will prove invaluable. (Sept.)