Secret Life: An Autobiography

Ryan (God Hunger), from a devout Catholic family, was sexually molested at age five by a 23-year-old neighbor and, like many such victims, blamed himself primarily and his parents secondarily. His youth was complicated by his alcoholic father, who considered him his favorite child but abused him physically. Throughout his adolescence, Ryan thought about sex, but not notably more than his contemporaries. In adulthood, however, he became sexually obsessed, sleeping with both women and men; in 1981, he was fired by Princeton, where he taught creative writing, for having sex with students, which he has since come to see as a form of molestation based on his power. Several subsequent incidents brought Ryan to the realization that ``my sexual compulsion was an attempt to feel my human value,'' and he now thinks of himself as a complete and mature human being. The book is the affecting baring of a psyche, but the sections on teenage panting and groping are long and tedious. (July)