The Power of Regret: How Looking Backwards Moves Us Forward

Regret “clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down,” writes Pink (When) in this pragmatic guide to harnessing the power of the past. He draws on the largest survey ever conducted of Americans’ regrets, as well as his own poll of thousands of respondents in 105 countries, to reveal the four most common types of regret: foundational (the failure to be responsible regarding education, finances, or health), boldness (the chances not taken), moral (taking “the low road”), and connection (fractured or unrealized relationships). Rather than despairing over regrets, Pink urges readers to think of them as opportunities for growth and learning, and offers a program for doing so. First, one should acknowledge the regret to “reduce some of its burden,” then grant oneself “the same... understanding [they’d] offer another,” and finally, create some distance by talking about it in the third person, which can turn it into a lesson. Pink assembles an impressive array of research and includes some moving stories of people dealing with mistakes, as with one woman whose regret at not having spent more time with her grandparents “helped her to see her own life as a puzzle with meaning as the center piece.” Readers looking to shake their shame should start here. (Feb.)