LETITIA BALDRIGE'S NEW MANNERS FOR NEW TIMES

Manners "give us... a feeling that if we do the right thing and avoid the wrong thing, everything will be all right." But, notes manners expert Baldrige, they can also help us attain happiness. That's right; knowing how much to tip a hotel maid can help you achieve internal bliss. Baldrige explains: "When you're nice to someone else... that someone else is nice back to you, and suddenly two people feel good about themselves and each other, and spread their feelings." A stretch, perhaps, but still, an admirable approach to manners. Baldrige differentiates between etiquette and manners (the former is a set of behavior rules; the latter teaches one how to value another's self-esteem), and illuminates both. She covers relationships, rites of passage, entertaining, gift giving, difficult times and communication. Although it's a bit overwhelming at first, the work is broken down into reasonable categories. And there's certainly something to be said for a book that can explain the difference between various caviar varieties, tell you how to write a thank-you note and suggest how to bring up the subject of condoms while on a date. Baldrige, ever hip to today's customs, addresses modern realities such as late marriages and e-mail, and can be quite funny (perhaps unintentionally, as when she lists "complete turnoff questions never to ask a single person," such as "bet you're desperate to get married, aren't you?"). Throughout, she keeps her focus on "real manners," for example, "[I]t's not worthwhile wondering who should go through the revolving door first, but it is worthwhile rushing to help an elderly or disabled stranger through the revolving door." (Nov. 18)

Forecast: A Today Show appearance on Dec. 5, an appearance at the Sarasota Reading Festival in early November and holiday promotions will put Baldrige out in front; expect solid sales.