Why Love Hurts

Beginning with the premise that "Romantic agony%E2%80%A6 has changed its content, color, and texture" over the years, Illouz, a professor of sociology at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, offers a complex look at the transformation of love, sex, and marriage in modernity. Comparing historic courtship and marriage rituals with contemporary dating culture, Illouz demonstrates the ways in which our increased freedom has complicated the search for a mate or partner. She details the emergence of the "sexual field," social arenas where sexual desire and competition are at the forefront and where people evaluate one another incessantly. She also addresses the stereotype of the commitment-phobic man, rejecting the determinist notion "that men have deficient psyches," or that "evolution demands men spread their sperm." Instead, Illouz urges readers to examine the social and cultural reasons for ostensibly innate behavioral tendencies. The end result, Illouz argues, is that we suffer differently in the modern age, precisely because our sense of self-worth is inexorably tied to love (and desire). An academic through-and-through, Illouz is nevertheless as comfortable referencing Kierkegaard as she is Bridget Jones. But her arguments%E2%80%94riveting as they may be%E2%80%94still require perseverance to work through. As a result, much of the wisdom here will be lost on the average reader. (June)