Consumer Joe: Harassing Corporate America, One Letter at a Time

This compendium of oddball customer query and complaint letters should tickle the ribs of anyone who's ever considered writing a letter to protest an inferior product or solve a merchandise mystery (e.g., why are Wendy's hamburgers square?). Hollywood writer Davidson, working under the pseudonym David Paulson, reprints some 100 letters he wrote to American companies, as well their representatives' responses to his rather unusual comments and requests. His letter to the Jamba Juice Corporation suggests new flavors (tuna melt, Thanksgiving Dinner) to supplement their popular healthy shots.""I can't quite understand how people are able to swallow that Wheat Grass stuff you grind up for them,"" he writes.""It tastes like you fell on your face in a game of soccer and just happened to have your mouth open."" After Jamba writes back, expressing appreciation for his creativity and their immediate testing of his""concoctions,"" he follows up with another letter in which he recommends publicizing their products through an activity on Fear Factor. Other pranks include sending a five dollar bill to a""Sir or Madam"" at RadioShack (""I was handed it by an elderly customer...I had believed it was stolen from an open cash register""), for which he receives a thoughtful reply and two""$10.00 'Customer Appreciation Dollars'""; harassing Ben &Jerry's (""We're sorry to hear that you are seeing a psychologist because you haven't heard from us about your flavor suggestion,"" their letter reads); and asking the Marshmallow Fluff folks if""nuking it in the microwave for 10 minutes and then freezing it"" will make a marshmallow ice-cream pop (it won't). Highbrow humor it ain't, but it is certainly, as Davidson himself puts it,""damn good bathroom reading.""