cover image Women Who Stay with Men Who Stray: What Every Woman Needs to Know about Men and Infidelity

Women Who Stay with Men Who Stray: What Every Woman Needs to Know about Men and Infidelity

Debbie Then. Hyperion Books, $23.45 (320pp) ISBN 978-0-7868-6524-6

Given the recent intense media coverage of the hows and whys of male adultery, it's tough for a book to stand out on what has become a groaning shelf of self-help books on the subject. In this journalistic study of how married women cope with their husbands' infidelities, California psychologist Then, who specializes in women's self-esteem issues, draws on the stories of 100 husbands, wives and lovers for whom unfaithfulness is a fact of life. The book's dominant voice, however, belongs to unhappy and humiliated women who have chosen to remain with their spouses, who deal with their pain in damaging ways, such as through denial, substance abuse, overspending and their own affairs. The author describes the emotional, social and financial factors that prompt some women to tolerate such behavior, and she provides a framework for those who are deciding whether to stay married to an unfaithful man. The underlying message that life is miserable for women who stay is delivered with a curious lack of empathy. In the end, the research sample limited to subjects from white, middle- and upper-middle income backgrounds, colorless writing and empty pronouncements such as ""get a life"" hobble this effort, although women who have left, or are about to leave, their marriages will find reinforcement for their decisions. Agent, Jennifer Gates of the Zachary Shuster Agency.Author tour. (May)