Reptiles in Love: Ending Destructive Fights and Evolving Toward More Loving Relationships

According to psychologist Ferguson, we're all reptiles in love: conflicts between people, especially in intimate relationships, are often triggered by our "reptilian" brains, the part that brings on a fight-or-flight stance rather than rational or mutually beneficial behaviors—when threatened, we lash out. Too many relationship guidebooks rush the couple to resume a feeling of intimacy, says Ferguson, when in fact, fear and anger must be reduced and trust re-established first. Addressing what he calls "stupid fighting" (over nonsense: "You're cheap," "It's your mother's fault"), Ferguson takes a close look at the dynamics of intimacy and how it is that people who have the greatest passion for each other also seem to dole out the most venom when threatened. This book offers understanding of the mechanics of human relationships and sensible guidelines for lessening tension and resolving conflict. Ferguson injects humor to illustrate key points and highlight the often absurd behaviors people display when threatened. While the old adage states that you always hurt the one you love, this book shows that this isn't necessary and together couples can find common ground to re-establish mutual love and respect. (Mar.)