How to Get Your Pet Into Show Business

Pet owners bedazzled by the idea of catapulting Snookums to stardom will find reassurance in this meretricious book by an L.A.-based animal trainer, who exhorts: ``Don't think you won't have a chance to hobnob with show-Business ``The small s and capital B are deliberate because it's more business than show'' personalities because you live in Fargo, North Dakota.'' Why not march up to ``Mr. Department Store Owner'' and ``offer to look over any ads he has on the drawing board'' to point out just where Fluffy might fit into the campaign? There's also helpful advice on how to comport oneself on a shoot (don't wear perfume when working with exotic animals), a crash course in pronouncing the ch sound in Yiddish (``the second language of show Business . . . Get that sound even approximately right and you will receive smiles of admiration''); and cameos of the geniuses who trained Toto and Benji (of the latter, the author writes, ``Even D. W. Griffith could have taken lessons from him''). Haggerty himself seems to have been inspired by the wisdom of that great showman P. T. Barnum: There's a sucker born every minute. Photographs not seen by PW. (Aug.)