Growing Up Saved: When Loving God Feels Like Losing Yourself

Bible teacher LaValley (Even If He Doesn’t) recounts in this spirited memoir how she rebuilt her faith in the wake of “church hurt.” The author grew up in a toxic New Jersey Pentecostal church that unceremoniously pushed out her pastor father when she was a kid, eroding her faith and forcing the family to move. They settled in Tennessee, where LaValley, eager not to be seen as a “screw-up,” “recommitted herself to Christ” at age 15. Still, she remained dogged by feelings of insufficiency, which were amplified by later betrayals like being denied a ministry position at a church because of critiques of her mothering choices. After being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, she realized her inability to conform was rooted in traits designed “by a God who knows what he’s doing” and set about shaping an individual faith centered on God’s unconditional love. LaValley wisely never pretends to have all the answers, acknowledging that she remains committed to the church in spite of its institutional flaws because believers must exist in communities to “grow in righteousness and be the hands and feet of Christ.” It’s a brave look at what it means to find a faith of one’s own. (Mar.)