Ugly Love: A Survivor’s Story of Narcissistic Abuse

Former TV news anchor Charanza draws on her history of abusive relationships in this choppy debut that blends memoir and self-help. Interspersing shocking scenes of emotional and verbal abuse by both her mother and ex-husband, Charanza unpacks the nature and signs of narcissistic personality disorder using advice from experts—such as psychologist Scott A. Bonn, whose research on diagnosing and the prevalence of narcissistic and sociopathic disorders she lays out. She lists the disorder’s diagnostic criteria: unhealthy self-importance, entitlement, and lack of empathy, among other traits. She also succinctly explains the cycle of abuse and the tactics of the narcissist, such as gaslighting, moving targets or “gamechanging” (praising and condemning the same actions), and wearing down one’s self-worth through attrition. Addressing readers who might be in a relationship with a narcissist, Charanza unpacks unhealthy coping mechanisms of victims, including eating disorders (which she struggled with) and addiction, before laying out concrete, direct advice on how to separate from an abuser. She closes with encouragement and strategies for healing, focusing on cognitive therapy and clinical techniques such as eye-movement desensitization, a stress-reducing therapy. Charanza’s flow between personal examples and summaries of experts is not always smooth, but her summing up of complex research is accessible and her personal story conveys the urgency of escaping abuse. Victims of narcissistic abuse or those hoping to help a loved one in such a situation will find this immensely helpful. [em](BookLife) [/em]