Relationship Essentials: Skills to Feel Heard, Fight Fair, and Set Boundaries in All Areas of Life

Mother and daughter team Reitsema (In Their Shoes) and Mackenzie, both with the Center for Relationship Education, provide in this valuable guide to talking things out sensible, easy-to-follow instructions on how to effectively communicate with everyone from toddlers to the elderly. Methods include “AAA” (avoid unnecessary surprises, ask for feedback, affirm understanding); setting ground rules for both speakers and listeners, especially during fraught conversations (key for both: avoid attempting to mind read, and paraphrase what the other person is saying to ensure comprehension); three C’s of communication (context, content, and connection); and simply asking open-ended questions while establishing clear expectations (the lack of which the authors believe are at the center of most misunderstandings and conflicts). For example, when “becoming a parent drastically changes family dynamic,” couples can focus on affirmation rather than blame. The simple fill-in “Forgiveness Formula” alone could save scores of relationships (“I was wrong when I ___________. I recognize that my actions hurt you.... I am truly sorry. I will work hard to try not to ___________ again.”). The commonsense advice assures that conversation partners are both heard and feel respected. It’s a pitch-perfect guide for readers looking to fine-tune their talk. Agent: Chip MacGregor, MacGregor & Luedeke. (Nov.)