Impossible to Please: How to Deal with Perfectionist Co-workers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People

In this insightful offering, Lavender and Cavaiola (the duo behind 2000’s Toxic Co-workers) address the challenges of dealing with those friends, family members, and co-workers whose standards seem impossibly high. After defining the variations and subtypes of “controlling perfectionists,” the authors explore possible causes for these difficult personalities, including parental influence, anxiety, environment, and other factors. But rather than simply lambaste or dissect perfectionists, Lavendar and Cavaiola shift their focus to practical skills and strategies for dealing with these personalities, such as learning when to assert oneself and when to take a step back, as well as how to deal with outbursts, clarify one’s goals as they relate to the perfectionist, and set “better boundaries.” In a nutshell, the authors recommend “the three ‘C’s of collaborate communication,”, which are tooled to allow perfectionists a certain level of control while empowering those communicating with them. Specific tips for handling different types of perfectionists are offered, as are suggested exercises that deal with everything from assertive communication to ways to build self-worth. Mental health therapy options are also explored in this thoughtful and useful take on a common characteristic. (Nov. 1)