Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents

Narcissism expert Brown (Children of the Self-Absorbed) delves into the challenges of interacting with family members whose difficult personalities are exacerbated by age. She outlines changes brought on by advanced age, from physical to existential, and lists the four most common types of self-absorbed parents: clingy, suspicious/defensive, arrogant, and belligerent. Brown goes on to describe unhealthy reactions to a parent's narcissistic behavior before suggesting more effective techniques. Some of these, such as avoidingdrawing attention to oneself or making sustained eye contact, read more like warnings about confronting a wild animal. Others, such as maintaining civility, neutrality, and an "adult-to-adult stance," are more useful if somewhat obvious. A section on protecting the feelings of spouses and children while around the parent in question is particularly helpful, with strategies for anticipating conflict and intervening when necessary. Additional exercises will help readers release negative feelings, visualize a safe space to retreat to, and build up self-esteem with positive affirmations. Brown's overall message of self-preservation is made explicit in the final chapter about "the positive revenge of being successful and thriving." While much of the advice dispensed is common sense, reason often goes out the window when dealing with a difficult parent, and Brown's tactics may help keep the peace. (Sept.)