The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

In this smart guide to setting boundaries, life coach Elman (Am I Ugly?) dispenses advice on avoiding emotional drain and fixing toxic relationships. “The most challenging part of setting boundaries is that we often don’t feel we deserve to set them,” she writes, but upholding them proactively teaches others how one wants to be treated. Elman proposes the “5 Cs”—being calm, compassionate, clear, concise, and consistent—as crucial to understanding what boundaries need to be set. She then suggests “Take Action” steps (including ranking one’s values, unpacking complicated emotions, and determining where boundaries are being violated) which are intended to help readers do the interior work necessary for creating new, lasting boundaries. She urges readers to take ownership of their feelings and encourages them to have difficult conversations, if necessary, with friends about desires and personal needs, as only openness will lead to true satisfaction. While the wise counsel will be tough love for some, those willing to put in the work will get much out of this. (Sept.)