The Social Paradox: Autonomy, Connection, and Why We Need Both to Find Happiness

Modern society has upset the balance between “our two most basic needs: autonomy and connection,” and humanity is suffering as a result, according to this illuminating treatise. Social scientist von Hippel (The Social Leap) argues that for the first time in human history, society has shifted toward autonomy and away from sociability, with mass urbanization since the 19th century fraying communal ties and marriage becoming increasingly important culturally while simultaneously eroding the value placed on relationships with friends and family. This shift has created what von Hippel describes as “sad success stories”: people who are unable to share their achievements with loved ones and are therefore dissatisfied despite being far more materially well-off than their ancestors. Von Hippel’s commonsense solutions include socializing at work, participating in run clubs and other organizations that strengthen one’s lifestyle goals, or catching up with friends or relatives via social media. Most intriguing are his explorations of the sometimes counterintuitive links between autonomy and connection, as when he notes that the pursuit of personal improvement ensured that “our ancestors became valuable to their groups” (for example, becoming a skilled hunter would have made one both socially valuable and an attractive mate). This persuades. (Feb.)