Love the Teen You Have: A Practical Guide for Transforming Conflict into Connection

“Strong connections are vital for emotional health, not just for children but for parents as well,” contends pediatric psychologist Lockhart (You Are Not Alone) in this perceptive guide to parenting tweens and teens, ages nine to 19. Lockhart lays out the developmental stages of this age group, explaining parents can expect that in middle childhood (nine to 11), their kids will start to feel more independent, and in early adolescence (12 to 14), puberty generally kicks in. How parents respond to teens’ changing behaviors can determine whether they feel comfortable turning to parents in times of need. Lockhart encourages rewarding desired behaviors with praise and allowing teens to experience the consequences of their actions (if a teen loses their phone, instead of immediately coming to the rescue, letting them experience the inconvenience of not having it can teach them responsibility). Parenting can cause one’s own difficult childhood memories to resurface, Lockhart cautions, explaining that living “your life through your teen” can lead to cycles of guilt, frustration, and resentment. To avoid this, she encourages parents to heal their own past traumas and identify and attend to their own needs. Lockhart relays her advice through relatable examples and provides thoughtful exercises, including guided self-reflection practices. Parents will feel equipped to strengthen relationships with their teens. (Oct.)