Not That Wheel, Jesus!: Stories from a Faith That Went Off-Road in the Best (and Worst) Possible Ways

TikTokker Backstrom (Holy Hot Mess) brings her irreverent humor to this candid, freewheeling account of deconstructing her faith and slowly building it back up. Raised in a rigid Southern Baptist church, Backstrom grew into a devout adult whose beliefs wavered little until a question from her five-year-old son—would his nonreligious friend go to hell?—caused her faith to unravel like “a thread tugging loose from a carefully knit sweater I’d been wearing my whole life.” She details the chaos that ensued as she funneled her mounting anger at the church into Youtube and TikTok videos, spurring an “exodus” of her followers but attracting a new community of like-minded fans; became “the poster girl for [faith] deconstruction”; suffered through a painful divorce; attempted to find a new church; and struggled to forgive church members who’d hurt her. Eventually, she adopted a faith rooted less in the church than in Jesus’s teachings and the notion that self-love is foundational for loving others. Amid her chatty if sometimes scattered musings, perceptive points emerge about moral ambiguity, both her own and that of believers who don’t always practice what they preach (“Sometimes we’re the hero in our story, sometimes the villain, and most of the time, we’re just... people”). Christians seeking respite from strict spiritual absolutes will find comfort here. (Aug.)