cover image Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life

Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life

Stephan B. Poulter, . . Prometheus, $18.98 (303pp) ISBN 978-1-59102-724-9

Clinical psychologist Poulter provides a praiseworthy model for how to dissolve a marriage or serious relationship. On the assumption that endings are often inevitable, he demonstrates through case studies and exercises how to tackle this emotional period in a dignified manner, creating the possibility for future loving relationships. First, he says, one must accept that the relationship is over, and he advocates taking personal responsibility as the foundation for moving forward. He insists that anger should not be used as a weapon but rather as a positive motivator for personal change, and recommends writing oneself a letter entitled “Anger,” to explore the ways in which the relationship and its breakup caused resentment. (Caveat: this letter, along with other exercises in the book, is for personal discovery only and not meant for sharing with one’s ex-spouse or partner.) Poulter acknowledges that the hardest part of moving on is breaking destructive behavior patterns, and he provides valuable insight and action plans to aid in achieving this. With considerable skill, Poulter strikes a hopeful chord on postrelationship strategies that leave the reader refreshed, rather than depressed (July)