The Parenting Paradox: Loving Our Children by Giving Them Space to Grow

“Truly loving our children means not loving or focusing on them too much,” writes therapist and researcher Brown (Growing Yourself Up) in this persuasive guide to coping with parental anxiety. The rise of expert-driven parenting advice over the past century has created unrealistic standards and fueled a sense of inadequacy among parents, Brown argues. To soothe their resulting anxiety, parents often become overprotective, which can lead to nonresilient kids who lack necessary life skills created when they are allowed to fail and figure out how to get back up. Brown illustrates this point with examples, including a couple that struggles to set boundaries for their preteen son around gaming. The father pushes back against their son’s refusal to stop playing, while the mother complies by serving his dinner at the gaming console, leading to mixed messaging for the child and a feeling of defeat in the parents. Accordng to Brown, the parents should shift their focus from their child to themselves and become aware of the stress and worry fueling their actions. Rather than continually rushing in to problem solve and protect kids from their emotions or the consequences of their actions, Brown suggests encouraging self-regulation and setting clear, balanced long-term parenting goals (for example, “To invite my child’s problem-solving” instead of, “To solve my child’s problems”). Filled with enlightening case studies and gentle encouragement, this is a welcome resource for overstressed parents. (June)